Kate's Motel

What you don't know about your bedspread won't hurt you.

Artificial Intelligence Is No Match For Natural Stupidity

Dear Mrs. Obnoxious Lady in room 228,

Please remember when you are checking into my hotel that it is impolite to interrupt someone while they are talking.  Here are a few things that you might have missed while you were yapping at me in that horrible accent of yours.

a) Your discounted rate of $69.99 plus tax is exactly that.  $69.99 PLUS TAX.  This does not mean that you should stand at my counter and count out exactly sixty nine dollars and ninety nine cents.  Although I must admit that I smiled on the inside when you realized you were going to have to count again.

b) We have a Continental Breakfast that we graciously serve from 6am to 9am.  That means that it’s included with the payment of your hotel room.  It also means that you are welcome to expand your generous waistline on our danishes.  It does NOT mean that anyone on my staff is going to make your waffles and bring them to your room.  Something tells me you’re not a “tipper” anyway.

c) I know that you are expecting another couple to check in sometime in the near 20 minute future.  You’ve managed to tell me approximately 7 times since you walked through my lobby doors.  Yes, I will give them the same rate as you, and no, you don’t need to stand at the front desk until they get here to make sure that I’m not trying to scam you.  Although, had I known that you were going to be such an insufferable bitch, I would have told you that the lowest rate I had available was $99.99.  Because I can do that.

d) I could steal your credit card number if I really wanted to.  Fortunately for you, spending the next 20-30 years in jail for credit card or identity theft is not preferable for me, so your credit score is safe.  However, I can see where it could be hard to trust someone that you don’t know with this information.  Because it’s entirely possible that I have a loser ex-husband that fights me at every turn on child support, I could have a crappy job that doesn’t pay me what I’m actually worth, and Christmas is just around the corner.  Lucky you found an actual honest person.

I have a “script” that I follow with every single guest that checks into Kate’s Motel.  Had you listened to anything that I said while you were checking in, I wouldn’t have had to repeat everything and taken 20 minutes to finally get your keys to you.  You would have known what time breakfast was served, what time checkout is, and the best place to park your car.  And the best part is, you would have known all these things without ever having to say a word.

I also would have gotten through the entire procedure without a migraine headache to show for it.

Thank you,
Kate

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December 19, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. So, what time is breakfast?

    Comment by Mom | December 19, 2009 | Reply

  2. I’m all for customer service but there comes a time when it is right, and appropriate, to leap over the counter and brown bag a persons head.

    I’m always amazed when someone thinks that just because they are dropping a whopping $70, it suddenly makes them the damned queen of England.

    Comment by Donald Mills | December 19, 2009 | Reply

  3. Hey Kate, could you bring my waffles to my room, please?

    Comment by Janet | December 20, 2009 | Reply


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