Kate's Motel

What you don't know about your bedspread won't hurt you.

If You Ever Need An Outfit To Match That Stick Up Your Ass, Give Me A Call

Dear Lady in room 215,

It has come to my attention that you are not happy with the room that I assigned to you last night.  This is very unfortunate because, as I am sure you noticed, it was a very nice room.  All of the rooms at Kate’s Motel are nice.  They all feature hardwood floors, pillowtop mattresses, granite countertops, glass showers with rainfall showerheads, a 32” flatscreen LCD television, and they all come with microwave, refrigerator, free Wi-Fi, and a free Deluxe Continental Breakfast.

Incidentally, I do understand that the room you were assigned, one of the last 5 rooms I had in all of Kate’s Motel to offer you and being a handicapped room to boot (although at this point I do believe you have some handicap in you somewhere), it was not the ideal room for you.

You must understand why I question your claim of discovering a pubic hair on one of your sheets shortly after you checked in.

a) Are you 100% positive that it was a pubic hair that you found?  Did you smell it?  Did you examine it under a high-powered microscope?  I have to say honestly, if it were me in your shoes and I suspected that what I was looking at was a stranger’s pubic hair, I certainly would not have been able to convince my face to get close enough to it to examine it and determine exactly where on said stranger’s body this particular hair came from.

b) Most adults have pubic hair.  As is common with hairs from the pubic region, they tend to latch on to whatever cloth is nearest.  I’m sure you’ve probably had one in your mouth at some point or another.

c)  This is a hotel.  There are worse things than pubic hairs hiding in your room.  I’m surprised you were able to sleep at all.

In closing, I’d like to inform you that no, I won’t be refunding the entire price of your room.  I’m not authorized to make that decision; I just work here.  You should be grateful that you received the generous 50% discount that I graciously provided to you and remember to tip the Housekeeping on your next hotel stay.  They are less inclined to leave pubic hairs on your sheets when you do that.

Thank you,


January 4, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,


  1. Whoa…wait a minute! You mean I can get 50% off on hotel rooms just by dropping a pubic hair on the sheets? Why didn’t you explain this to me sooner?

    Comment by Janet | January 4, 2010 | Reply

    • The thing is, I COULD have given her the room for free if I had been inclined to do so. Front desk clerks have more power than they want the public to believe. People who are nice to me have a better chance of getting a bigger discount than do people who think they are going to “tell me” what their compensation is going to be. Demanding shit from me never got anybody anywhere.

      Comment by Kate | January 4, 2010 | Reply

      • This is very helpful information indeed…yanno, if I were *that* kind of person.

        Comment by Janet | January 4, 2010

  2. More likely it was one of her stupid (false)eyelashes that fell when she went to pull the sheets. Boy, you sure were nice in giving her the 50% off deal.

    Comment by Debby | January 4, 2010 | Reply

    • I could have given more, but she didn’t deserve it. I could have given less, but I didn’t feel like listening to her complain even more about how Kate’s Motel sucks.

      Comment by Kate | January 4, 2010 | Reply

  3. Gotta love those clingy pubes.

    Comment by Mom | January 4, 2010 | Reply

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