Kate's Motel

What you don't know about your bedspread won't hurt you.

Just Cause You Got The Monkey Off Your Back Doesn’t Mean The Circus Has Left Town.

My fingers start twitching, I can’t sit still and for some reason my face itches.  I’m getting the shakes.  Having a difficult time with the can opener, but that could be nothing…I’ve never had much luck with electric can openers.  The left and right sides of my brain are arguing with each other and the cacophony inside my head is deafening.

“Just go to the store and get some, Kate.  You have the cash in your pocket.  It’s not going to break you, and you know you want it.  They‘ll sell it to you.  You don‘t need a fake I.D. to buy it now.”

“NO!  Don’t give up now!  Your health, your life, is at stake.  If you continue, you won’t have to worry whether your son had a good Christmas or not because you won’t be there to make a difference.  Sit your ass back down.”

Then the sweats come.  Even though it’s 28 degrees outside, I go from feeling like I need to streak naked on the balcony, to turning the heat up to the “Hell” setting.  Waves of nausea, panic attacks, I think I’m even hallucinating that giant Coke in the fridge.  I read somewhere that the hallucinations can last for up to 2 weeks…  Not good.

In the next months, I should expect profound confusion, disorientation, hyperactivity, and possibly a grand mal.

The cons of stopping are seeming to outweigh the pros.  Don’t they do Intervention shows about this stuff?  Maybe I need rehab.  Does Obamacare cover rehab?

This craving may kill me.  I really don’t think I’m strong enough to handle this.  When I had nothing else, I at least had this tiny outlet.  And who could really blame me after all I’ve been through?  It’s not like I sold blowjobs for crack…I could have found a much worse addiction…

I need a cigarette so bad.

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 6 Comments